Between Goodnight and Good morning.

Between Goodnight and Good morning, we met.
It wasn’t real. And it wasn’t unreal.
It was as vague as it was vivid.
Vague to the point that I don’t remember why we met, where we met.
Vivid because I can paint the colour of the light that made his face shine. The glimmering eyes. The impish grin. The distinct voice. The witty words. The warmth of his presence. The impeccability of the moment.
I don’t remember anything else, yet there’s a lot which cannot be forgotten.
This figment resides right inside me. I try to summon the moment to know what happened after that, but there is nothing. It was one moment and it’s gone.
When Good morning hit me, I blinked my eyes as I came back from that place, that one moment. And when realisation struck, how much I wished to go back, to the only place where we could be. A place I wished wasn’t unreal.
I wondered, how we run errands out there, drawing our paths, at least trying to tread on the drawn out paths. And yet we cannot know where we go between Goodnight and Good morning?

Thanks for reading☺

-Malvika Mishra

Circles

“Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?”
“I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning.”
And we go round and round and round!
Avoid, awkward silence, awkward smiles, hearty smiles, small talk, back to awkward smiles, awkward silence, avoid!
Nothing and absolutely nothing gets us out of this vicious cycle. Is this it? Is this how things were supposed to happen? Why was there such predictability about something so unpredictable?
And there’s not just one circle. There goes the circle, of moods. “Oh-so-happy” to “Be happy” to “I’m good” to “Yeah, I’m fine” to “Something is missing” to “Life sucks” to “I’ve got to get up!” to “It’s going to be alright” and we go back!
Then there’s this circle of perspectives and understanding. Oh this makes sense, yeah I know it’s right, there’s no right or wrong in this, this hurts but…, why always me?
Then comes: “Whatever happens, happens for the good”. And yet, we don’t walk away from the circle!
No human encounters the same ordeal, yet everybody gets stuck in these circles. These and many more. What sets us apart is the duration. When will you hang up? A week, a month, a year, 4 years. Will you?

“Will you?” Unanswerable. For now.

Thanks for reading 🙂
-Malvika Mishra

I forget my grief.

I forget my grief, when my mother calls me beautiful while I sport a messy bun and home pajamas.

I forget my grief, when my sister hugs me tight as soon as she sees me after a long day.

I forget my grief, when my eyes tear up at all the things my father tells me because he’s concerned, and I know.

I forget my grief, when I hear my grandparents over the phone, after days.

I forget my grief, when a new friend talks to me till 2 AM on my birthday.

I forget my grief, when we lose track as to what the conversation was about.

I forget my grief, when I realize how much this friend means to me.

I forget my grief, when I talk for hours to the people I couldn’t talk to for days.

I forget my grief, when I laugh my heart out on the same old school stories with my best friend.

I forget my grief, when I see a mother ask a street vendor about his recipe.

I forget my grief, when I see a little girl talking to her blind grandpa while crossing the road.

I forget my grief, when I see the smiles on their faces.

I forget my grief, when a boy runs to his father and hugs him because a monkey tried to snatch a bottle from him.

I forget my grief, when I see how easily he transforms into the happiest being in this universe.

I forget my grief, when I see a 4-year-old girl eat ‘panipuri’ and do her little happy dance.

I forget my grief, when I see her mother’s smile as she adds another food item to her doll’s ‘favorite food list.’

I forget my grief, when I see a character in a movie living my insecurities.

I forget my grief, when this character gets a happy ending.

I forget my grief, when this happy ending gives me hope.

I forget my grief, when I realize “Iss Heroine ka Hero ye khud hai.”

This is what grief is. It’ll never vanish from my life. It’s a “Forever” kind of relationship. But I’ll keep forgetting it. Again something will remind me of it, again life will happen around me. And I’ll forget it.

“Aur ye chakra hai jeevan bhar ka.”

 

I had vanished for months. Zyada hi takleef ho gayi thi. It’s time for a comeback. It’s time to forget.

 

Thanks for reading 🙂

-Malvika Mishra

 

Why so serious?

This one question echoes in my head whenever I watch The Dark Knight.(that and The Joker’s laugh!)… But the late Heath Ledger’s glorious portrayal of this egregious villain is not the sole reason which makes this question significant. It’s one question that has been posed in front of me several times by several people.(And I’m unceremoniously reminded of the cackle. They’re linked you know!) If they don’t have to use the exact words, they’ll pass some unintelligent remark, “You look upset!”(Which I’m usually NOT! but hey you helped!),”Don’t anger her”(Yeah what am I, Rowdy Rathore! They use that exact dialogue which I don’t wish to type owing to grammar slaughter. That’s something I HATE! :)) Hindi versions, “Maaregi abhi!“(I do believe in NON-violence), “Dekh tu frustrate ho gayi na”(Yeah right!) So today I thought of penning… no typing down what I feel about it.

Well well… why are people imposed to ask this question? This question (yeah, repetition is my thing) has plagued me for several years until the recent past.(that’s about, a year maybe) This imposed mystery (unnecessary complications in the simple life of a simple girl!) was solved when a teacher pointed out (yeah literally) my Lack of Expressions Syndrome (“LES” that’s how I address it because… well no such illness has been diagnosed, as of now! Besides Sir won’t talk about his students like that) So then I kind of figured out ( a bit late) that I may be good (actually good… not that stereotypical “womanly” good!) people don’t seem to get it because… LES! Though my lack of expressions hasn’t landed me in any perilous situation (yet), it’s not very pleasant to be misunderstood time and again. I have to  explain in proper words (which I suck at*sigh*) that I’m neither upset nor ‘offended’.(which, on due consideration is… a lie!) This “The Joker behavior” of the mundane is irritating and then it shows. (I suffer from partial LES… So expressions used to express anger, irritation, sadness come to me naturally, rest all, NO :)) While I may be over the moon regarding something, it’s not visible.(duh!)

But there’s a bright side.(this “Everything has its pros and cons” idea is such a cliche!) It’s very easy to feign anger, effortless. Straight face does it all. It’s so easy to avenge all those moronic pranks!(Vindictive pleasure!) It’s very easy to get things done with that sad face.(have it…use it!… Expression :)) And I’m considered wise because of the “serious” look.(I am wise… but not in every situation :)… Honestly this pro is meh!) But the bright side is not that bright.(I love repetition:)) Because it doesn’t support my uninspiring communication skills, it worsens it. And communication man… is everything! Because… how will people know that you know what they don’t know!(Few more ‘know’s… No!)

So, I have to get rid of LES for: 1) I have to convey what I feel, at the right time. 2) This cosmos is filled with pretentious “The Joker”s who’ll keep asking, “Why so serious?” and it’s an arduous task to not snap at them 🙂

P.S. “The Joker” because he’s earned my deep hatred… He’s the villain I love to hate… The “The” is mandatory!

Thanks for reading… if you did! 🙂

Malvika Mishra.

Words

Why are words so brutal, cruel, elusive? All when we need them the most! What it must feel like to not get tongue-tied at every important occasion and then end up thinking, “which were the better words to express everything?” All of it. Every thought. Every perception. Every wish. Every aspiration. Every quality that we embody.

Words… cheat me when I talk.

Words… reconcile when I write.

Words… my worst enemies.

Words… my best allies.

But as I think and over-think about our “love-hate” relationship, I realize that they’re my only giving. They are the only source for letting out all these afterthoughts which hold no significance. To tell myself that it’s alright if I couldn’t this time, there was a time when I was worse, there will be a time when I’ll be better.

Though words might continue to evade the grey matter, I’ll keep finding ways to obstruct them. Ways to remind them that they’re my allies after all, and to persuade them into doing what they should i.e. to come out of my mouth as coherent sentences. Till then… the struggle continues.

Prof. Dumbledore said, “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it.”

Thanks for reading 🙂

Malvika Mishra.

Love love love…

“Main apni favourite hoon!”,says Geet haughtily and I contemplate (like always!), “Do people actually say such things about themselves?” Though it is a Bollywood movie where most of the things are not relatable to say the least. But still… It would be so good if everybody could say that about themselves… maybe not like Geet… but just say it.

Oscar Wilde says, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”. But can everybody begin with this lifelong affair? I wonder why this question exists in my life in the first place?Mine and many other people’s lives. Is this question so difficult to answer? Is it an unsolvable problem?

People are not born the way they are when we meet them. Everybody has a story we don’t know of… some stories are sweet, some unimaginable, some… charred in pain. This story is what makes them who they are. And this story affects the way an individual answers the above question… if they do try to decipher it.

There are three tenses: past, present and future. It’s not a sentence to be written in that school English notebook and then forgotten. That’s how our time on this planet is divided… at any given point of time. So what if your past has wounded you… the wounds will heal… you have to try for the same. You start and the world will help you. There are good people out there. You know what Anne Frank had written…”In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” And you say your life is all about adversities!

A little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday.

There’s so much that can be done in this moment… now. And there’s a lot to be done in the future. So go about your today and tomorrow as if it’s a new story… love others… love life… love yourself 🙂

Thanks for reading,

Malvika Mishra 🙂

Sky Full of Stars

There are days when you feel that nothing and absolutely nothing can bog you down, nobody can strangle your aspirations, your dreams. Days when you feel that you can actually catch hold of all those fragments of success, be it respect, fame or wealth… those elusive fragments. Days when you can’t help but see the bright side… the best out of every situation, every person of your planet.

But then there are other days too. Days when nothing can pull you up. Days when you fail miserably in restricting unsettling thoughts from disturbing your equilibrium. Days when you feel worthless, insignificant, when the only thing  you notice about yourself are your weaknesses, imperfections. Days when you feel that you are drowning in the sea of your tribulations.

Life is analogous to the dark sky. And just as the dark sky is illuminated by the stars, so is life. By love and the one’s who mean it in your life. By the smallest of joys that life has for you. By the desire to live life, on your terms. By passion… sheer and intense… so that you get just what you want, and need. By those bright days… the stars of your dark sky.

To some people stars might seem inconsiderable in comparison to the never-ending dark sky. But then, Sun is also a star 🙂

“Cause you’re a sky full of stars, cause you’re a sky full of stars
I’m gonna give you my heart” sings Chris Martin.

“And I don’t care, go on and tear me apart
And I don’t care if you do
‘Cause in a sky, cause in a sky full of stars
I think I see you
I think I see you”

I do see you.

Thanks for reading…

Malvika Mishra 🙂

P.S. Coldplay’s music is brilliance redefined… and this song… it’s beautiful 🙂