Bye Bye 2016. I loved you.

2016, you end today. Come December, Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat and (you get it) ushered in a deluge of “F*ck you 2016” posts. Everybody had one or the other reason to abuse you; political debacles (Brexit and the POTUS and Brazil and…), terrorism, climatic imbalance (nothing new), demonetization (Yo India and… “Sonam Gupta bewafa hai”), celebrity deaths (Harambe and other prominent loveable personalities) and several other reasons. You got abused to the point that you were very conveniently labeled as “The Worst Year”.

What I want to say is, 2016, you were one of the worst years of my 21.28 year-old life; and this has nothing to do with the above reasons (although terrorism and racism invokes anger and pity and I’ll fly to the USA in August and death hurts, the most). I have my own reasons for assigning you with this superlative title. I remember you for each day, each week, each month; I’ll remember you for everything you threw in my direction which rattled me completely; how you trampled all those butterflies. Oh 2016, each part of you was an outlandish combination of euphoria and dysphoria; and you made me endure it repeatedly till I finally stopped succumbing to it.

January introduced me to denial. On denial’s insistence, every insecurity raised it’s ugly head. I was torn between looking happy and feeling happy; I failed at both.

February taught me to practice unwarranted persistence. Self-confidence perished as ego mingled with denial. I tried again and again and again, where I shouldn’t have; not even once. And one day, suddenly, I broke down. I thought it was the end.

March taught me that denial hurts but acceptance breaks. But it is right, always.

April taught me that one piece of mis-communication can usher in a lot of bitterness. Bitterness can be cleared; but it leaves a taste in your mouth and thus this only unmarked month of 2016 entered this list.

May taught me that it is very easy to fall back into the same ditch just because it’s comfortable. Sometimes, unfortunately, it is easy to have that same discussion over and over and not just let it go.

June taught me that opening up and speaking up about what hurt you is much more taxing than it seems.

July was a strong reminder that I’m malcontent. And I’m not happy about it. :/

August taught me that even if your intentions are right and you genuinely care, don’t shower your love where it’s not required or not asked for. In August, I got trapped between what was right and what felt right; I made the former choice; I felt horrible about it in spite of it being the correct one.

September, big month. September taught me that efforts can fail; and that sucks. It was that month where a single wrong interpretation from a person completely ruined the happiest day of my year.

October taught me that sometimes, you should hold your head high; it is very important. But even this is easier said than done; and I knocked myself down again.

November taught me how agonisingly strong my envious side is; and facing it contorted the good things I saw in myself.

In December, I realized that coming to terms with the fact that I’ve been trying to come to terms with the same thing for a year is both hilarious and pitiful; did I even try at all? Was it all trash? Will I have to start over again?

No.

I said at the start of this rant that 2016 is “one of the worst years” and not “the worst year”. I’ll tell you why:

Few of my friendships grew stronger in December. Oh December! How much I love and hate you! Because I remember you from 2015, vividly, each and every detail is etched in this brain; for years to come. In December I took that last step (maybe) of that one conversation which normalizes everything (again maybe); in reciprocity of that other step.

November was just vivas and preparatory leave and 1st exam. But it was also the first ever Coldplay concert in Mumbai, which I couldn’t attend.πŸ’” It was the month when I met Newt Scamander and it felt as if everything was finally coming together (The Harry Potter Universe  yet again proved that it is my haven❀).

October was marked by the formation and development of new friendships (based on sarcastic insults). In October for the first time I took some time off of what had been harrowing me for what felt like ages. There were very important birthdays in this month (every birthday is important but what if you have 3 in a month!)

My birthday falls in September. And my 21st was beautiful because I know beautiful people. In this month, I realized that my failure can weaken me only as much as I let it.

In August, I met the me who can work hard. The me who laughs and mocks and is sarcastic. The me who loves taking efforts to look beautiful. The me who can be happy in spite of everything.

In July, I realized that how gravitation is not just about us and dear Earth; it works between people. I anticipated someone’s return, it happened, I was happy; this was a shortlived one.

In June, I met the me who argues, argues a lot. And then there were finally some revelations and atleast a shimmer of happiness. In June I was blessed with the ability to drive my first car. The pride in my parent’s eyes is what I live for.

In May, for the first time I expressed what I actually felt, unabashedly, and it felt great. The exams were also good. (Engineering me hu.)

In April, I met the me who can let go. I realized that erasing all misunderstandings with a person in 1 hour flat is easier if they are your best friend. But it is difficult if your head gets stuck on to something.

March… in March there was Holi. (This was your worst one 2016)

In February, I met the hopeful me; she was very chirpy and never stopped trying. I also learnt the importance of being able to enjoy certain things alone because you cannot always have someone and that’s good too. I learnt that my best friend’s birthday is a festival which can pull me out of any ditch.

In January I met the me who’s the happiest after screaming her lungs out and laughing out loud over her own behaviour.(Courtesy: the camels, Raja and Michael). The me who cracks up on horror stories. The me who loves singing throughout the bus rides in spite of her voice. The me who loves walking with few new friends on a dark starlit path. Scaring the daylights out of one of them is my favorite story, always will be.

You see 2016, I loved you, a little. I know you’ll say every year has it’s ups and downs, but not every single day man! (You were a leap year!)

Few important discoveries:

1. I should stay away from WhatsApp when I’m extremely happy or sad (Euphoria-Dysphoria). Because I don’t know what I’m uttering in that state; it’s not the calculated, sensible me. It is the me whom I don’t present in front of people who are not me.

2. I’m funny. This is one thing I never accepted because well, I do not have a reputation for that. I’m the sarcastic kind, my favourite.😌

3. Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S averts my tears for a very long time. Likewise for Coldplay songs (but not “Yellow”).

4. I’ll do anything to make things right. Sometimes that’s irritating to people around me (actually always!), but this is one of my many good qualities.😌

5. I write extremely long, beautiful captions (and hashtags). That could be my job in an alternative world.

6. I come up with a lot of names and songs and, basically anything meant for mocking people.

Few disappointments:

1. I read about 50 pages without registering a single word of all of the 3 books I opened in this calender year (Woah 2016!) I bought many thinking they’ll work but… Sorry my stack of books from 2015 and Jan 2016, Sorry.πŸ˜”

2. I completed only one show when I have 4 and I thought watching them would help. Sorry, eclectic combinations of stories and artists.

3. I sketched only once, never in class, this is so not me.

4. I didn’t sing enough. Oh how much I love singing! But, I just couldn’t.

5. I cursed love stories; all of them. (Sometimes Arijit SinghπŸ˜”)(Too much abusive language sends me on a guilt trip)

6. I apologised at several occasions when I was not at fault. I apologise to myself for that now; Sorry me.

Confessions:

1. I’m not very proud of the fact that I think (a lot) before doing anything and I’m skeptical and cautious; which is just me and that’s perfectly fine. (Sorry me again… I’m not a “Jo hoga dekha jaega” person, that was a scam.πŸ™)

2. I didn’t value inner peace and stability and they fled the accident scene like… (Come back now already! Enough of this wandering.πŸ˜‘)
2016, I loved you as much as you loved me; nothing more, nothing less. (Kahi toh equity ho zindagi me)

2017, I’ll love you with all my heart. We’ll shimmer together like Sirius amidst this darkness or any darkness. Just be kind.

Baaki, zindagi gulzar hai.❀
Thanks for reading.☺

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